The Hard Work of Rest

Well, that feels strange to write or say out loud. But if you are a doer, you may be able to relate to how difficult the act of rest can be to accomplish. I'll explain further...

If a high speed gear is the only gear you function well in, whether naturally or adaptively, slowing down to a lower speed and training yourself to rest is something much more difficult than one might imagine, especially if you are someone who doesn't have the challenge of only knowing how to function in high gear. For those use to traveling at a faster speed internally or externally, mentally and/or physically, slowing down to an even "normal" pace can feel utterly devastating (or at least s little pathetic). 😢

It can turn into a mind game where you get lost in a seemingly endless argument in your head wondering why you can't just "snap back" to your "normal" self. If you've experienced depression or burn-out on any level, this concept is probably not foreign to you. However, EVEN IF you're familiar the concept or cycle, it often doesn't relieve much of the discomfort of being in the phase that feels like you almost have no power over yourself to DO the things you are used to being able to DO!!!!

THAT IS ECCENTIALLY THE POINT!!!! Your body may reach a place where it just wants to shut down because it is TIRED OF DOING!!!!! For me, each season of burn out started lasting longer and being more difficult to recover from. That's another aspect of the rest itself being hard work. It can feel overwhelming and exhausting to be DOING LESS!

We "doers" really thrive on that sense of satisfaction we get from accomplishing the task at hand, placing check marks next to items on the "to-do" list, and feel rewarded by our work. Some of us have a hard time separating our self-worth and identity from our jobs or titles. When we're removed from our normal "roles" (voluntarily or otherwise), we often feel lost or confused, maybe a little depressed or worthless.

One thing that has nearly forced me to overcome my struggle with allowing myself to rest (or at least adjust my rate of travel) is transitioning to single parenthood. Being solely responsible for other human life forms, at least when it's my designated parenting time, has proven to be very helpful in me prioritizing my own wellbeing and making adjustments accordingly. I can't afford to crash and burn!

Hopefully those of you in reasonably healthy relationships, strive to ensure your partner's needs are met, so you can both stay functioning at your best as often as possible. Teamwork can make a huge difference in avoiding either partner needing to take longer periods of time to recuperate from excessive strain or an imbalance in what could/should be shared responsibilities.

The great news is that even traumatized brains can be rewired and learn to respond differently when faced with old patterns and situations that previously lead to the recurrence of unhealthy cycles!!! It does take time and effort...and for me, lots of practice and development of self-awareness, but there is hope that rest may feel like less "work," eventually!